Update on My Life.

Sorry......I owe you a explanation for all the songs I posted. These songs all are very expressive of how I feel in a nutshell right now. The later 4 being postive and the first one (Welcome to My Life) being negtive. Im struggling yes but hopefully its temporary. Im drained and I dont think I can take anymore. Im checking almost all time now. Im in so much pain and I cant even get it out. Its stuck inside of me. I am having nightmares flashes and movies. Don't know what to do. All tools have falled me. Running. Music. Journaling. Talking (huh what a joke right now). Counting to 10. Screaming into a pillow. Knitting. (ya I knit and I corquet too). I have so many more tools but none of them are working. how useless right? Well, my Uncle and I got in a major fight. He said if I didn't stay present and stop checking out....id have to go to the hosptal. I don't want that and I got angry bc I can't help it. I feel like shit enough. And I am going to be honest in my blog. I haven't been taking care of myself. I went back to throwing up. i threw up my dinner. My Uncle cut back on the EnSure, but whatever. I still feel gross. I can't even functon anymore. Its sad. I was doing way better than this. I feel like dead. I can't keep doing this. Its to much. I got another email like 5 minutes ago. Self explanatory. Never thought it could get worse than the last one............well. He broke that record. Its pretty bad. I dont know where he gets this engery.

I am running severly on empty and I am about to just stop. I cant keep up. Its just gotten to be to much. Im not working this week anymore. I'm starting next Monday 9/20. My Aunt thinks I struggling too much to functon. OH JOY. Nick called me and I said I couldn't talk to him. I so badly want to have a boyfriend but I just can't. It's been what 24 hours? Im pathetic..............ugh.