Accountability...and Im gonna win this thing once and for all!

So-i am admiting it. ive been playing the victim. im not a victim anymore. i am free to live my life. but i tied myself back down by control my eating so much. i thought i would make the dirty and gross feelings would go away but it just made me feel worse. i dont need to add victim to my plate right now. i need to be strong and with this like the adult i am. its my fault for my eating problems. no one else did it to me. im the one thats been doing it to myself so i need to stop blaming those who are trying to help me get through this and show me whats write and wrong. (ie BonSpa:), Uncle, Aunt, Guma, friends, etc) i had someone special (BonSpa:)) tell me like it is. and im greatful to have her. i admited to my aunt and uncle that i screwed up. i was wrong in thinking that doing this to myself would make me feel better. i was angry they found out (and still sorta am) but i know they (and BonSpa:)) care and thats why they are pushing me. they know i am capable of so much more than how i am acting. in some sinces i am letting my past control my future. i agreed to make a plan nad i did. i don't need eating disorder on my list of problems to deal with right now. i need to be strong and i need to deal with this crap with my dad and get strong enough to get him where he needs to be and is locked up, behind bars, facing the punishment he frickn deserves. and i need to give dealing with my past 110%...........................and NOT wasting effort or energy on this.

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and ive determined that beating myself up like this isn't going to take away the hurt.......itll only make it worse.............and the only thing that will help is getting justice and doing the most i can.

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AND............im my next sesson im gonna do it. i know im ready and im not going to let these threats (past and present) keep me silenced any longer. it my life and i am tired of living it in fear of my father. im safe and i will be safe. i have a great family (aunt, uncle, guma, Emu, etc) and they will protect me. I have a dedicated therapist. (BonSpa:)) . I have no excuses to be scared any longer. i am a adult and i am going to take this like a adult and take care of the little girl part of me. its time i stop holding my pain in and let it out. i can talk. i don't need to be scared. i can do it and I am ready to talk. i want to talk. its time i take care of myself and stop letting my dad win. hes through. hes had enough time to control me and ruin my life. its time i live my life before its too late.

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LET'S DO THIS..................and I am going to do it right and well!

Have a fabulous Labor Day Weekend.........hope the Hurricane Earl isn't totally bad.

ThErApYtEeN.

****THANKS TO ALL THOSE ESPICALLY.........

MY UNCLE AND AUNT AND BonSpa:) ***************