I'm so frustrated. Every single thing is triggering me. I'm checking out. I saw BonSpa:) and spent majority of the session checked out and I don't remember basically anything from when I was in there. And all afternoon has been a blur....I'm checking out and having bad flashs. I am getting triggered, and I feel crazy when I say this, but I am "hearing" things. I'm not sure about anything, but I am totally freaked out. I'm scared, and I am stuck. I don't like checking out. My life is going by, and I am missing it. I am on my medications, and that zonks me out. I am pretty much useless on them. I am just about to the point where I want to stay drugged out all the time. So with my medication issues and my checking out... my Uncle and Emu agreed that it would not be smart for me to go to LA for Court's services. I'm really upset about that, but my uncle said maybe in a few months I can fly out there and visit her sister and see Court's grave. Her sister went to the "Academy" too, so I am very friendly with her as well. I'm really having a hard time. I don't know what is wrong. My world has hit the pits. I'm struggling so bad. I'm not happy anymore. I'm not enjoying anything, and this is so not like me. I am checking out and people think i don't trust them....that is not the case at all.......I don't know why I do it and I am sorry. I am at this point just causing more harm than good. I got another email, and that freaked me out. :/ Well, hope everybody has a good night...I'm staying in town so........maybe we would chill tomorrow or sat? Just know it isn't you, and Im sorry for being so pain, wrong, and causing problems I'm sorry. Goodnight! ThErApYtEeN.
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