My shadow.

So, as i am closing in on my shadow and looking towards the bright shiny sun..........(*well its nighttime now lol*) i feel better. I am working out a plan to work on my eating. I gave in and understand where my Aunt, Uncle, and BonSpa:) are coming from. I understand what I was doing was not good for my body.......and the ensure is fixing the damage i did. :/ I know so much is going on............sorry about that. BUT************** I am also working with BonSpa:) {calaborating with her about how to *speak* on Tuesday.} IDK yet, but I am doing to figure it out. Im glad I have such a good therapist who is support, yet firm.

FOR EXAMPLE---------------she called me out on playing victim role. She was totally right. I am not the victim anymore. I am a young women who is in control of my life and i have choices. I didn't back them, but i do now. :) and with those choices ........ I AM GOING TO CHOOSE TO SPEAK UP *SOMEHOW* AND FACE MY DEMONS AND FACE THOSE THINGS THAT ARE BAD, GROSS, DIRTY, WRONG, SCARY, AND CRY-WORTHY. I AM GOING TO CRY. I AM GOING TO DEAL WITH IT HEAD ON TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY. I AM NOT GOING TO LET MY FATHERS THREATS PAST AND PRESENT HAUNT ME TODAY. i am glad i have such a great aunt, uncle, guma, emu, and of course BonSpa:). They are the most influential, supportive, honest, and caring people ever. They are my 'rocks' and my 'protectors'. They are going to help me deal with this, but I am going to work hard and not give up no matter how scared or no matter how much i want to shut down and check out. I know its going to be really hard to say certain things but i have to push through it.

" if i stay stuck in the fire, i will once again fall victim to my demons. so to fight this battle, i am going to get all the 'fire extingushers' i can and fight the blaze. im going to put out this fire and come out a survivor. because thats what i am. and I know i am capable of becoming a survivor......its in my destiny to re-write the past to create a whole new future...''

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well i am going to bed. i am at our lake house in fredericksburg............ :) I am going to have fun and relax and absorb the sunshine to help fill my shadow. :) :) :)

Thanks................................................

SUNSHINE HERE I COME....

:) ThErApYtEeN. :)