Ah.

So for the last 6 hours or so...I've been really struggling. I can't decide whether to send my father a letter or not. I am really beating myself up. I am so upset, and I hate being upset. I had a really bad memory right after I got out of my doctor's appointment at 2. I got my stitches removed, and that has nothing to do with having this flashback--no connection. I hate all of this. I just wish I could close my eyes and stay somewhere far away--where I wouldn't have to deal with any of this. I hate being fuzzy, and I hate dealing with people when I am like this. I just cry, and I hate crying. I always have and always will. I want someone to give me advice on my letter to my father, but no one i've forwarded it to has responded. Urgh. Well, i am going to try and go for a run...my hips are feeling better--a little so I am going to try and push it because I really need to clear my head right now. THERAPYTEEN.